Day 87

I was a child once. I was a quiet child, as my teachers misunderstood my early enthusiasm and slowly wrung my youthful exuberance out of me, like I was just one more dishrag fallen into a greasy sink.

And yet I was a child. Physically I've changed very little. I was just shorter. A four foot bald, bearded child. Or perhaps that is just how I remember myself. Either way, a child nonetheless.

So I have created a list of things children did just today to try to understand the casual psychology of children. I feel this is not prejudiced as I was once hatched from an egg the same as they were. Here is my list.

1. They don't turn in permission slips for trips and then want to know why they have been removed from the trip.

2. When asked to name an American, any American, just so I could move on to my next question they are unable to answer.

3. I watched as a child removed over 20 staples from what appeared to be her literature homework? Why were there so many staples?

4. The FBI class is obsessed with pizza. Don't they know that if I buy them food, I automatically inherit their soul? And yet they insist I give them a pizza party.

5. A child I won't name has asked me to never mention the name Marcelo in my blog again. It is an odd request but I will never mention Marcelo again. Even though the previous Marcelo's mentioned were simply a racoon and a mosquito.

6. During the fire drill, very few people followed my instructions to scream in terror to simulate an actual fire. Then half of them shoved themselves into the elevator with me to go back upstairs. I don't care if kids use elevators. It shouldn't be a privilege. Riding with me should be though.

7. I mentioned the Satanic Temple (in context to the lesson) and the right to own condoms (also in context) and no one seemed phased or curious about any of it.

8. One child tried desperately to make me give up my political principles and admit I would rather vote for "Deez Nuts" than any current candidate for President. It was a good opportunity to discuss false equivalencies.

I don't know. Probably more things happened. The best thing that happened to me today was seeing a kitten outside the 900 building. Hopefully it lives there and didn't escape from the cafeteria.